Circling Chances

I recently updated my Facebook cover photo to a quote reading "take a chance."  I wasn't searching for anything specifically when I googled "inspirational quotes," but was just looking for something that made me hover the cursor a little longer than usual. 

What amazed me, however, was the amount of people that "liked" my quote.  Why?  What did it mean to them?  What did it mean to me? 

Every day I strive to be inspirational - to others.  I say things like, "Believe in yourself!," "You CAN do this!," "I'm so proud of you!," "You're amazing!"  but I realize that I don't say those things to myself.  Why?  Why do so many of us put ourselves last?  How is it that we don't practice what we preach?

It makes me think about "kid problems."  Losing the purple sparkling pencil seems trivial but to an eight year old it's the end of the world.  Disastrous.  There is no going on until that sparkling sucker is found.  I always have to remind myself to breathe deeply and look at it through their eyes.  It's a big deal to them so it becomes important.  So I say reassuring things like, "It's okay.  We can get another pencil.  Don't let this ruin your entire day.  Let's turn this day around."

And then my mind becomes encompassed with adult problems - REAL issues.  But instead of motivating myself, my head swirls.  No believing.  No reassurance.  No taking chances. 

So now I'm on quest to find out why and revive my own spirit by me, for me each and every day.  I'm taking a chance...Are you?

A "Leaf" of Faith

New Year's.  Crazy hats.  Silly glasses.  Lit up champagne flutes.  "Live" performances.  Countdowns.  Celebrations.  Reflections.  RESOLUTIONS.

Awhile ago we were sharing a class read aloud.  The main character was always in trouble at school and one day brought home yet another note from his teacher. 

"It's time for you turn over a new leaf," his mother told him. 

Always looking for teachable moments I paused and asked, "What does it mean to turn over a new leaf?" 

I got a few blank stares and some shoulder shrugs.  Wait time...wait time...wait time... And then one brave hand in the air.

"It means when the leaves change color and they look new."

I paused, thinking about what she meant.  The changing color of leaves means the end of life, not a time of rebirth.  But what an interesting perception.

I went on to explain that to "turn over a new leaf" means to start anew.  To give yourself a fresh start because, well, frankly we all need to start fresh once in awhile. 

The blank stares changed into perplexed ones.   They weren't buying it.  At that moment I rethought the phrase "turning over a new leaf."  Can you really ever turn it over or do you grow, change and learn from it instead?

And so it comes this time of year when people make promises, resolutions, to "turn over a new leaf."  To confront the challenges they face head-on and vow to make a positive change in their lives and in the lives of others. 

Those who know me best know New Year's is my least favorite day.  I ironically find it depressing to reflect on the past year, loved ones lost, goals unfulfilled.  But for once I am resolving to embrace the new year by finding my leaf and embracing its changes.  It's just time to do so.

May you all find your leaves in every brilliant shape and vibrant color.  Happy New Year.  Welcome 2013. 

Coping with Tragedy

Like everyone else, I was beside myself when I heard the news of the elementary school shooting in Connecticut.  I was glued to CNN and watched the news coverage in tears, astonished that someone would have the absolute audacity to bring innocent children into their troubled world.

I sobbed even harder listening to a teacher's account of the day's events and how she told her students, "I just want you to know that I love you, and everything will be alright."  She later said that all she wanted her students to know in their possible last moments was that that they were loved.  And how about the teacher who read "The Nutcracker" to her students while gunshots were being fired right outside her classroom door?  I can't fathom it for a second. I stand up and applaud the teachers, school personnel, and emergency responders who reacted as they did.   

Now there is the aftermath.  How do we talk to our kids about this event?  It really all depends on the age of the child.  If a child is under seven years old and has not seen or heard about the shooting, leave it that way.  Keep the television off.  Young children can not yet understand the magnitude of this situation and do not need to be exposed to it.

What about children between eight and twelve years old?  Let them be your guide. Explain the situation simply and eliminate all unnecessary details.  Limit the television viewing and media coverage.  You can start a conversation with them about the event using simple terms.  Something like, "This situation was terrible and it doesn't normally happen.  The man who did this cannot harm anyone ever again."  Reassure them that they are safe; that school is safe.  Show them that they are loved and okay by providing extra hugs, extra "I love yous," extra hand squeezes.  Keep their routines firmly in place.  Bedtime is still 8:30, soccer practice is still at 10AM, the holiday gifts still need to get wrapped.  Children feel comfort and secure when they sense their world is "normal." 

Teenagers will grasp the magnitude of the event and will  have questions. Again, follow their lead.  Reassure them that this is a rare event.  Ask how they are feeling about it and suggest ways to help them feel better.  Maybe volunteering in some way to support those involved is a first stepping-stone.

Children react to these situations differently.  If you start to notice a lot of tummy aches, headaches, fear of being alone, or nightmares, it is wise to contact your pediatrician for further intervention.

Below is a link with more information shared by a friend of mine, Dr. Shannon Hourigan.  Thanks, Shannon.
http://www.samhsa.gov/MentalHealth/Tips_Talking_to_Children_After_Disaster.pdf

Here are some addition online resources from counselors, psychologists and trauma specialists:

The National Association of School Psychologists
http://www.nasponline.org/

Caring for Kids after Trauma and Death: A guide from the New York University Child Study Center Institute for Trauma and Stress
http://www.aboutourkids.org/files/articles/crisis_guide02_w_spanish.pdf

The American School Counselors Association
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/

Working Together Towards Success

Where have you been, Lynn??

Sorry, Folks.  Life has been a bit crazy with the new move, new side job opportunity and my schoolwork.  And 'tis the season! 

This time of year many of you have experienced parent-teacher conferences, a time for parents to sit in the hallway outside of their child's classroom with butterflies in their stomachs as they anxiously await to hear about their child's academic progress and behavior. 

First, we as teachers thank you for your support.  Our goal is to work cooperatively with you as a team to ensure a successful school year academically, emotionally and socially for your child.

That being said, we are members of a lot of "teams." Your child is important to us as are all of our other students. 

Recently someone asked me, "How long do you conference with your parents for?"

I smiled, knowing what was coming...

"About ten minutes." I braced myself. 

"TEN MINUTES?!"

I know, I know.  It isn't a lot of time to have a deep, meaningful conversation.  On our end it becomes more of a scripted routine -
"It's a pleasure to work with your child this year.  Here is what I am noticing in the classroom...Here is your child's reading level...In math your child struggles with...We are working on....Thanks for coming in!"

But keep in mind some of us have up to 30 conferences in a matter of hours!  Let me repeat that:  30 CONFERENCES! 

So, a few reminders.

1.  You can always reach out to your child's teacher.  Just because conference time has ended does not mean "Nice knowing you."

2.  Keeping us informed as to what is happening at home helps us in the classroom the same way as us keeping you in tuned as to what is going on in the classroom helps you at home.

3.  We appreciate your support and want to work with you.  If you have a concern, question, comment that wasn't addressed at conferences, reach out by email, note, phone, whatever means possible.  We want to help.

In the meantime, here are a few general guidelines for ways that parents can support their child at home and at school. 

• Praise your child daily for specific accomplishments.  ie: You did a really nice job on that math problem!
• Take your child to the lilbrary, to community activites, and to museums.  The more they are out in the community the more they bring into the classroom and can connect to what they are learning.  It allows for a deeper, more meaningful learning experience.
• Set limits on TV and video games.  Be mindful about what your child watches and what games s/he plays.  Yes, they come to school and tell us all about shooting the bad guys and the girl who slapped the other girl across the face on last night's tv show.
• Ask to see your child's schoolwork and homework.  Ask them questions about it.  Instead of saying, "What did you do in school today?"  be more specific:  "What strategy were you learning in Reader's Workshop today?"
• Create a speacial area for library books and homework.  Have an organized space for homework and all homework supplies easily accessible in this place.  Teach your child to check this area before leaving for school.  It is also helpful to have the bookbag packed the night before to avoid rushing in the morning!
• Read to your child and encourage him or her to read to you.  Be a reading role model by letting your child see you read.  Ask questions about the books s/he is reading: 

          For fiction texts:  Who are the characters in your story?  What's the problem?
                                       How are the characters working to solve problem?
       
          For nonfiction texts: What is the topic of your book? What facts have you learned?
        
         *If you notice a lot of shrugging shoulders or "umms..." chances are your child is not
          comprehending what s/he is reading. Make a new book choice!

• Establish rules, routines and chores at home and hold your child accountable. It develops a sense of responsibility that is imperative for a successful life.
• Label everything that is sent to school including jackets, each glove, hats, etc. There can be up to 30 students in a classroom - that's 60 gloves, 30 hats, 30 jackets. Help us out! 
• Keep your child healthy by taking him/her for regular checkups, eating healthy and encouraging physical activity. A healthy body equals a healthy mind. At the same time, keep any sick child home!

Most importantly, work with your child's teacher and the school.  We are all on the same team!

     

Homework Headache

You're a smart person.  So why is homework time giving you such a headache?  You did pass second grade, right?  Then why can't you figure out the math worksheet?!

The expectations placed on our young people are high.  Things we learned in high school geometry are being taught in fourth grade math these days.  Helping your child with his homework can be a challenge.  What's a parent to do?

• Ask your child to "be the teacher."  You weren't sitting next to little Lily in class when the teacher went over the assignment.  You are starting to second guess yourself when it comes to adding multi-digit numbers because this new math starts adding numbers from the left instead of the right.  So ask Lily to teach you the new strategy! 

"Lily, Mommy needs your help in remembering how to add big numbers.  Can you show me how?  Tell me what you are thinking!" 

Many times children will parrot what their teacher has said in class.  If you can get your child to verbalize the process, you can better assist with homework.

Now, if Lily shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't remember" or "Mrs. Polin never taught us how to do this" then you need to contact the teacher and let her know that Lily didn't understand the skill.

• Use a lifeline.  Does the teacher have a website with helpful links?  Is there a parent-support section on the curriculum website you can reference?  Can you call a fellow classmate or parent?

• Don't be ashamed to admit defeat.  Sometimes you just don't know and either does your child.  Why waste time fighting with frustration?  Many teachers are understanding.  A simple note explaining that you tried to work on homework but neither of you really got it is all that needs to be said.  It doesn't make you any less of a parent!

Good homework habits are essential if your child is going to  be successful with homework. Here are some handy tips to help your child develop these habits:

Adapted from “Parents on your side: A teacher’s guide to creating positive relationships with parents” by Lee and Marlene Canter (2001)

Homework Tip #1: Set up a study area.
Create a well lit, quiet place at home for your child to work. Try not to disturb him/her when he/she is working.

Homework Tip #2: Create a homework survival kit.
Keep extra pencils, a pencil sharpener, erasers, crayons, markers, pens, scissors, and glue in the study area. Keeping all of these necessary homework supplies in a pencil case will eliminate last minute searches.

Homework Tip #3: Schedule daily homework time.
It’s amazing how kids find time for television, video games, sports, and other extracurricular activities but have difficulty making time for homework! You can help by scheduling a daily homework time for your child and getting him/her to stick to it. It is best if homework is done as soon as possible after school (and maybe a snack). Of course it is essential for parents/guardians to be available to help too!

Homework Tip #4: Encourage your child to work independently.
Homework teaches students responsibility. Through homework, students learn skills they must develop if they are to grow to be independent, successful adults. Please encourage your child to work on his/her own. Encourage your child to use reference books, such as dictionaries, to collect information. Have your child call a friend for help. Only once these resources have been used should you offer assistance. By using resources other than a parent to complete homework, your child will develop creative problem-solving skills.

Homework Tip #5: Motivate your child with praise.
Children need encouragement and support…especially from their parents! Be sure to tell your child that you are proud of his/her persistence on a challenging problem or that you are impressed with his/her ability to connect to a text that he/she is reading. Consistent praise will increase a child’s self-confidence, develop a sense of pride in personal achievements, and motivate him/her to do the best work possible.

 

Don't let homework be such a headache anymore.  And remember, you are smart ...despite what your kids may think.

Open Forum!

Is your child fighting you with homework?
Do you need help developing a sense of responsibility with your child?
Are you looking for conflict resolution solutions?

I would like to celebrate your questions and assist you in any professional way I can.  If you have a question, please post!  Chances are someone somewhere is asking themselves the same thing.  Together we can make a difference!

T-E-A-M Addendum

A follow-up to my last post (compliments of Mom Baker who requested a clear-cut list of questions for parents to ask teachers).

First, please don't be scared to ask questions.  You are not bothering us unless you are emailing every hour asking how your little one is doing.  We are a team and we want to work with you but please understand that we can be on anywhere from 20 to 30 "teams" or more. 

So what questions should you ask?

1.  What are your certifications?  Where did you go to school?  What year did you graduate?

2.  What kinds of professional development are you experiencing to keep up with current educational trends?

3.  How can I help and support what you do in the classroom?

If a question pops into your mind, ask it.  Go with your gut.  You are your child's advocate!