Coping with Tragedy

Like everyone else, I was beside myself when I heard the news of the elementary school shooting in Connecticut.  I was glued to CNN and watched the news coverage in tears, astonished that someone would have the absolute audacity to bring innocent children into their troubled world.

I sobbed even harder listening to a teacher's account of the day's events and how she told her students, "I just want you to know that I love you, and everything will be alright."  She later said that all she wanted her students to know in their possible last moments was that that they were loved.  And how about the teacher who read "The Nutcracker" to her students while gunshots were being fired right outside her classroom door?  I can't fathom it for a second. I stand up and applaud the teachers, school personnel, and emergency responders who reacted as they did.   

Now there is the aftermath.  How do we talk to our kids about this event?  It really all depends on the age of the child.  If a child is under seven years old and has not seen or heard about the shooting, leave it that way.  Keep the television off.  Young children can not yet understand the magnitude of this situation and do not need to be exposed to it.

What about children between eight and twelve years old?  Let them be your guide. Explain the situation simply and eliminate all unnecessary details.  Limit the television viewing and media coverage.  You can start a conversation with them about the event using simple terms.  Something like, "This situation was terrible and it doesn't normally happen.  The man who did this cannot harm anyone ever again."  Reassure them that they are safe; that school is safe.  Show them that they are loved and okay by providing extra hugs, extra "I love yous," extra hand squeezes.  Keep their routines firmly in place.  Bedtime is still 8:30, soccer practice is still at 10AM, the holiday gifts still need to get wrapped.  Children feel comfort and secure when they sense their world is "normal." 

Teenagers will grasp the magnitude of the event and will  have questions. Again, follow their lead.  Reassure them that this is a rare event.  Ask how they are feeling about it and suggest ways to help them feel better.  Maybe volunteering in some way to support those involved is a first stepping-stone.

Children react to these situations differently.  If you start to notice a lot of tummy aches, headaches, fear of being alone, or nightmares, it is wise to contact your pediatrician for further intervention.

Below is a link with more information shared by a friend of mine, Dr. Shannon Hourigan.  Thanks, Shannon.
http://www.samhsa.gov/MentalHealth/Tips_Talking_to_Children_After_Disaster.pdf

Here are some addition online resources from counselors, psychologists and trauma specialists:

The National Association of School Psychologists
http://www.nasponline.org/

Caring for Kids after Trauma and Death: A guide from the New York University Child Study Center Institute for Trauma and Stress
http://www.aboutourkids.org/files/articles/crisis_guide02_w_spanish.pdf

The American School Counselors Association
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/